Take initiative

Sometimes I think that there exists people who in my life I consider as weird ones. One example of them is a person who always blames others.

In my opinion, these people are weird. I think that all people are responsible for their own actions and for their own decisions they took. So it is an absurd thing, weird, nonsense and outrageous if someone blames the others for anything he/she did (or did not do).

The easiest case I encounter and see with my own eyes is my self, used to be. Once, my informatics friends (Informatics ITB 99) planed to camp in Manglayang (a camping base near sumedang-bandung, Indonesia). Hearing the news, I gave no cares and only thought "Camping is boring. It only brings pain to my feet and no great experiences can be achieved by doing it.". However, I was wrong.

Based of my participants' story, they experienced some hearth-throbbing adventures, between life-and-death to be exact. Hearing the stories, the first thing I thought is "Damnit! Why did they not ask me to join them? I'd like to obtain those kinds of adventures and experiences.". Weird, huh! I think that my thought that time is really weird. Just think, did I really want to experience such horrible adventures? Did I really have the guts to face them?

I think, if I have the chance to experience them, at that time I will blame everyone who've asked me to join the expedition. So, in whichever condition (join or not join the expedition), I would still blame others. If I joined and faced the situation, I would blame the inisiators. If I rejected (and I did) then I heard the stories, I would blame the one who asked me to join but not asked me more forcefully. Huheueuhe

Anyway, after some contemplation, I realized that basically the one to be blamed is my self. When the invitation is received, rather than actively pursued the detail information and registered, I only waited to be asked (like an important person ^^). I have no initiatives to actively participate. So, if I missed an important and heart-throbbing once in a lifetime moment, that was my own mistake. I had no rights to blame others.

In one of important event in my life, SIAWARE 5, I realized that everything in life is a choice. To be success (with any kind of definition of success or whether Allah SWT grants it) is a choice. To become a failure in life, on the other hand, is also a choice. If I want to become a fluent writer but don't have initiative or want to allocate time to learn writings, that is my own mistake. If I want to become good orator but too timid and passive to learn to elaborate ideas, thats also my own mistake. If I took a hard,difficult thesis topic and not diligently study and do heartfully, of course it's my own mistake.

Then, if I heard a similar story, which reminds me of my old self case, I will say "Take initiatives, please!!!!"

Last exams after two years

Yatta!!!! At last I have finished all my exams in my M.Sc. program here. Wuih..it's so tiring and heart-pounding. Because in the last exam I took (EDB = Einfuehrung von Datenbanken) just before the exam stated, I realized that I had a lil bit of headache, my body felt weak and I had problem to concentrate. So, it was really heart-pounding situation. Just before the exam started, the supervisor told us (exam-takers) that if we felt sick, we could cancel to take the exam but need to submit the statement from doctor afterwards. After hearing that, I became nervous. In one side, I wanted to take a leave from exam hall due to my condition. However, I realized that if I could overcome the situation and pass through the exam, EDB would be my last exam and I could concentrate more on my thesis. There's no guarantee that my professor or supervisors would allow me to take second exam in this semester. So, I just clenched my teeth and said "I can do it".

Well the exam was not as easy as I thought it would be. When I read the questions, I realized that I was still confused on how to decide a solution within 30 minutes. Yaaa, it is sometimes impossible, but I think this is how to do exams in my M.Sc. programme. I need to come up with an idea after I read the questions. But hey, even though I faced that problem, I can finish my EDB exam before the allocated time expired. I finished my solution in 105 minutes from allocated 120 minutes. But I was not the fastest one. The fastest one was a diploma student (german, I suppose) who finished the solution in 1 hour. When he stood up and left the exam hall, I thought two possibility. The first is he finished fast because he's understood the questions and written the solution fast. It was possible since I almost do the same if I did not rethought my solutions and rechecked my writings. The second possibility is he finished fast because he was hopeless and could not think of any other idea or solutions, so just left the hall rather than sitting there doing nothing ^^.


Now I can concentrate more on my thesis. FIGHT!!!!!!!

Live adequately

This posting is about how I feel about my life. Please do not misunderstand me. I do not like to brag about my condition, especially when there are others with much more welfare and leisure than what I have. It is just how I feel.

Lately, I become more and more concern about how will I live (= earn money) after I knew that my money would only cover till the end of this year. Yup might be only until december 2007, if I do not get any money from any part time job. I was confused how to deal with it. Since my thesis-proposal seminar is postponed until September, perhaps, maybe worse then I at least need to support my own living here in Aachen till March 2008. I also consider whether I can become a successful man someday. I can't say that for sure. I just pray for the best things in this- and, of course, next-world.

Suddenly, a thought struck into my mind. How many times do I think I were finished? How many times do I think I could not move again? How many times do I think I've failed? Wew, I could only mention several, but maybe much more than that. So, how could I go through all of them? I think there are many times when suddenly "an invisible hand" come and help me. Is it the same as promised in Al Quran that Allah will help the one who need the help most? OK, I realized I am not a perfect muslim. I did a lot of mistakes, moreover sins. But, still I got helps from directions or people I've never imagined...Alhamdulillaahi robbil 'aalamiin.

Up until now, I think I've never really undergone run-out-of-money problem. Even though I almost have no money and no job also, suddenly my parents provide me with quite fair sum of it. I dont know whether it's because God has not given His "no-money-at-all trial" to me or it is His respond to my deed (sorry, it is confidential..by the way what is "ibadah" in English?).

As a matter of fact, I believe that, perhaps, God deliver His "rizki" and "barokah" through many ways. And currently, one of His way is through my parents. I dont know whether my thought is right or wrong. I just want to believe it. I just realize that I've been living adequately up till now. Adequately? Naaahhh, I dont think so. Allah has provide me with anything to my fullest. It is not "live adequately", but "live heartfully".

Aachen, July 10, 2007

While waiting for

GW KESELLLL!!!!!!!!!!

Untuk posting yang kali ini, gw sengaja nulis dalam bahasa Indonesia. Bukannya gw mau menyalahi sumpah palapa gw, yaitu menggunakan bahasa Inggris di blog gw yang ini. Tapi, ini buat jaga-jaga. Barangkali aja supervisor gw nengok blog gw ini n ngebaca. Kalau dia sampai baca, bisa berabe, wong gw lagi kesel ama dia n professor kok.

Jadi begini ceritanya....(lah kok kayak acara tivi misteri di Indo yang menghadirkan paranormal ya?). Gw berusaha supaya akhir bulan ini, gw bisa seminar proposal thesis. Kenapa gw yakin gw bisa seminar proposal thesis akhir bulan ini? Yaaa..itu karena dari 4 bab yang diharapkan, gw udah sampai ke bab 3. Dan bab 4 itu berbicara lebih ke arah perencanaan bagaimana thesis akan dilaksanakan, misalnya apa teknologi yang dipakai dan timeline projek thesis. So, gw yakin begitu selesai ujian tanggal 16 dan 17 Juli 2007 ntar, gw bisa ngebut dan memberikan draft proposal thesis.

Namun, kenyataan emang pahit. Pada saat jumat, tanggal 6 Juli 2007 bersejarah itu (bersejarah ya..bukan berdarah...), ketika kupintakan jadwal seminar proposal, pembimbing thesis gw bilang, "Wah akhir juli gak bisa, karena bos professor lagi holiday alias urlaub. Si bos bakal ada di Aachen lagi di bulan Agustus." WHAT!!!!!!!! I'm shocked!!! Lantas, gw tanya lagi, "kalau gitu, tengah atau akhir bulan Agustus gimana?". Pembimbing gw bilang, "Wah saat itu saya yang masih liburan.". NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pembimbing gw meneruskan, "Paling cepat awal september kamu bisa seminar proposal thesis". OK, the rest of the story is not important.

GW KEEESSSSSEEEEEEELLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Terutama ama kebodohan dan kesalahan kalkulasi gw sendiri. Gw lupa kalau bulan-bulan Juli dan Agustus tuh bulannya urlaub atawa liburan. So, professor dan para mitarbeiter (asisten profesor) di sini pada pulang atau bepergian. Yang bikin gw BT dan pengen nangis tuh karena pengerjaan thesis di bidang keahlian institut gw tuh butuh waktu 6 bulan. So, artinya gw bakal di Aachen sampai (paling cepat) Maret 2008. Artinya, target gw pulang sebelum akhir tahun gagal. Artinya juga, gw harus nyari duit tambahan buat 3 bulan, dari januari-maret 2008. Hik..hik..hik.. I wanna cry... T_T

Ah udah ah..gw tambah kesel klo ingat-ingat terus....Mending makan malam dulu ah...

Aachen, 8 Juli 2007.

Sedih karena thesis dan lupa masak nasi...sedihnya dobel deh T_T

Dont care

Dont care, its just combination of two words, but believe me, the combination may deliver a fatal blow or unexpected impact. Depending on the situation you say this word, you can liven someone's heart up or even break it apart. By the way, this posting will only tell about what I heard, felt about the words "dont care".

If your friend came and told him his story (his story ya...not history. It would be boring...) and then you told him/her "dont care", the result would be depended on how you said those words. If you said it emphatically, then he/she might relieve a lil bit. But if you utter those words without your concern, moreover without even a feeling of care, then you'd likely gonna lose your friend ^^.

I have a friend who experienced something like that. One day he, call him Ajong, went home and talked to his friend (actually his friend is also my friend ^^), call him Bagong. Ajong only wanted to inform about something, and not to tell any sad, love or thrilling story. But Bagong, not only unattentively heard to Ajong, he even did not bugde from his chair and did not even look at the eyes of Ajong. Then when Bagong was asked, he only said "like I care". Yup, and the rest you might know. Out of rage and disapponintment, Ajong said "Gong, you're gonna regret this sometime" and then walked away. I heard this story directly from Ajong and since I knew almost all about Bagong's behaviour, I could assure my self that Ajong was telling the truth.

On some other time, Bagong chated (past from of doing chatting ^^) with my other friend, Najong (hehehe...nice rhyme huh^^). Often, when Najong said something to Bagong, Bagong replied with "dont care". Actually, it really hurted Najong's pride but he let it slide. Then again, when Bagong said something to Najong and Najong did not even reply (of course, since he was a lil bit mad), Bagong wanted Najong to reply. Wew..Actually I was a lil bit confused when I heard this story. I dont know whether Najong said something unimportant (so he was replied "dont care") or perhaps Bagong said something really important and he wanted Najong to reply?

This accident (not...it is a situation) assures me that your tongue is your tiger (lidahmu harimaumu). In a good story of Luqmanul Hakim, he explained that the 2 best part and also worst part of a man are the tongue and liver. A man/woman can be marked as a best human if his/her tongue and liver are used in the right way. So, anyway, I still dont like the use of "dont care" when I talk with someone. I think its rude and show disrespect. How about you? Nah, I dont care....

Aachen, 8 Juli 2007